


Escapism

by kokoniitai



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Future Foundation AU, M/M, Spoilers for the entire game of course, of getting two nerds into a relationship, or rather, quote: get it boys, to make more sense of it, trying that thing, without going out of character, you should probably know what happened in the game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-27 09:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2687186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokoniitai/pseuds/kokoniitai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata isn't perfect. He takes the difficult road to draw a confession from Komaeda's mouth after coming to the assumption he might feel something for him. The benefit of surprise was wasted on the first try, and Hinata attempts again, and again.</p><p>They are both escapists.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [konokomi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/konokomi/gifts).



If you tried hard enough, you would succeed in the end, wasn’t that right? Hinata believed it to be true, hoped it to be true. There was nothing more discouraging than to know that despite all your efforts you might never amount to anything in life; he had to believe in it.

That’s why, at an age of twenty-three, when walking down the corridor and clothed in his suit and tie, Hinata was sure a bright future laid ahead of him. He was the one who could form and build it to anything he desired if he just kept at it.

"You seem unusually bright today." A voice greeted from ahead.

At the end of the hallway, there was Hinata's partner leaning against the wall while having his arms crossed, a calm smile pulling on the corners of his mouth. It seemed no matter what Hinata did, he’d always be one step ahead of him: _he_ , Komaeda Nagito member of the Future Foundation after half a year had passed since he woke up from the coma. Through fate’s capricious will they had become partners or so Hinata liked to think. He certainly hadn’t planned for it to happen.

Hinata had been so sure he’d be the first to arrive today, thus the change of plans left him slightly off track, setting a frown between his eyebrows. He had wanted the extra time to prepare himself.

"Oh, was I wrong?" Komaeda pushed himself away from the wall and raised an eyebrow as he did.

"No... yes." Hinata paused. "I’m fine."

Komaeda only smiled. He didn’t really seem to buy it, which wasn’t a surprise considering Hinata’s _so very confident_ response. Nonetheless, Komaeda placed his hand on the handle of the office’s door and let himself and Hinata in with a simple “Alright then.” He wasn’t going to push the issue. How typical of him.

"I met Naegi-kun a short while ago," Komaeda continued, sauntering towards the great desk in the middle which was littered with computer cables, keyboards and several surveillance screens. "He said we’ll do this shift until the end of the week and next time they’ll let us join the outside team."

That meant five more days of sitting in a darkened room, watching surveillance cameras and receiving only images of the aftermath caused by havoc and despair. There was hardly anything captured, but the cracks of the battered streets when the camera swept over it, repeating its half circular movement over and over again. Hinata and Komaeda were in charge of alerting the guards around the Future Foundation’s headquaters via their headsets, should they spot abnormal activity, though most of the time they didn’t.

Not that they wanted something to happen. It was just a tedious task, and Hinata couldn’t say he was very fond of it.

Komaeda pressed his index against one of the screens and said, “then we’ll be able to see this with our very own eyes. Exciting, isn’t it?”

Hinata fumbled with the cables of his headset - someone had left it in a mess and now it was one great _tangled_ mess - while he thought about how he had wanted to leave the building ever since they said he couldn’t; it did raise his pulse with a beat of elation to know he might be able to do so in a few days. If he, and Komaeda were on the same page of what ‘exciting’ meant to them, however, he didn’t know.

In all the time he got to spend with Komaeda as his partner, Hinata had never truly laid aside the wariness, which had slowly, but solidly built up inside his heart while in the simulation.

Hinata had always had the feeling Komaeda was up to something, planning something. He was so distrustful, it was almost like blind belief. But how is it that even then, Hinata would sometimes open up when he shouldn’t, and fall for Komaeda’s trap all over again? (Was it really a trap?)

He really didn’t know what to think of him, of their relationship or of himself.

Finally, Hinata had untangled the knot. “Yeah, I guess…” he answered as if absent-minded, although he had been listening all too well. He shifted in his chair, focusing intensely on the static in front of him, trying to look blank and empty: anything but nervous.

He wanted to ask. He wanted to clear up. He wanted to attempt again what he had failed, and let stay unresolved countless times before, and he had planned to do so today. It wasn’t going to get easier no matter how much time would pass. Hinata took a deep breath.

"Komaeda?"

"Hm?"

There was a slight pause, and with each passing second, Hinata’s heartbeats grew heavier. They shook him hard, had him tightly gripping the table’s edge, before he turned to the right to face Komaeda. He needed to see his expression, and Komaeda was watching him, waiting for him, all while pressing a thin line with his mouth. Hinata guessed Komaeda had sensed the atmosphere and was anticipating what was about to come. It wasn’t new after all. They had had this conversation before. Somehow it was funny how they had managed to escape it every time before it got to an answer.

Hinata licked his lips. ”Komaeda,…” he began.

"Are you in love with me?"

 

 

 

The first time Hinata noticed, noticed the tiniest fraction of a hint to what Komaeda might feel for him, his head was going haywire by the lack of nutrients, while his stomach, desperate for food, digested itself. He had been half starved to death. The mental snapshots of what transpired back then, when they were trapped with nothing to eat, nor drink in order to fuel their incite for murder, were blurry at best. How could he trust his memories to be truthful to reality, when he’d been barely conscious? Every time he had woken up, he’d be so confused as to what the time or where he was, always having to fight off the feeling of wanting to stay down and fade away with the next exhaling breath.

One of the fragments to burn itself into Hinata’s memory was the moment when Komaeda nullified everything he had once told Hinata. Everything Hinata thought he knew, tumbled down and crashed to dissolve in a puddle of confusion.

What was the truth and what was the lie?

Why did Komaeda need to do this-- to see if he can milk some pity off Hinata as he had said was the reason?

Hinata decided to never fully trust Komaeda’s words ever again.

And then, a change happened in Komaeda. If he hadn’t been contradictory before, now he didn’t make any sense at all anymore to Hinata. Oh, and Hinata had payed attention to everything Komaeda had said in the past, so he noticed.

He’d notice how Komaeda’s behaviour towards him had made a 180 degree turn from what seemed to be admiration to outright mockery. You’d think it was because Hinata turned out to be not a talent, to be a fraud in their midst, and having the audacity to pretend to be one of them. It was laughable, because all this time Hinata had suspected himself of being the traitor, but as it was he’d been a _nobody_ among a faceless crowd, who wanted to be a _somebody_ in the overpopulated world. Hajime Hinata had sold himself to be someone else. But no, Hinata wasn’t the only one Komaeda started to treat differently. The others, too, weren’t safe from scoff, and Hinata couldn’t shake it off: the recollection of Komaeda’s derisive stare. He looked betrayed in those jade toned eyes.

And that was weird, wasn’t it?

What had Komaeda expected?

What did he expect from Hinata or from anyone else? What did he expect from the talents? Suddenly, Komaeda didn’t seem to need them anymore.

And then there was the question of why this connection between Hinata and Komaeda stayed, tugging at Hinata’s insides to the point of making him sick, even though Komaeda had thrown away all this work and all the effort Hinata had invested to understand him and lit it on fire.

Hinata had wanted to confront, if he’d been strong enough. But even then Komaeda wouldn’t see him, wouldn’t see anybody, full in preparation of leaving them all without another word of guidance or clearance. Komaeda-- always pursuing his path of independence. How often Hinata wished he hated him, so he could stop thinking, stop questioning the what, the why, the purpose. But that was Hinata’s nature, to never truly judge until he knew the reason behind, and Hinata had already regretted trying to change himself once. He wouldn’t do it again.

 

 

 

A sharp inhale, a piercing stare: first wide-eyed and then after a blink filled with nothing but blandness. “Are we repeating that again? … Because I held your hand that time?” Komaeda coughed out a laugh, so incredibly dry. “I didn’t think you were the type to jump to conclusions so fast, Hinata-kun.”

“Then why did you react that way when I asked you the first time?”

“What way?”

Komaeda rested his chin on his hand, his expression stating ‘this is pointless’ better than words ever could.

There was no way Komaeda could’ve forgotten it: the silence. The endless silence that had been so unlike him. Hinata had dropped a bomb out of nowhere, after all, so in a way it was to be expected. Hinata still wasn’t confident it was true, when he went after a hunch that had developed only after three years of observing the puzzle pieces of the past, rather than solid evidence. Seriously, Komaeda loving him? It made Hinata’s cheeks flame up by the mere thought of it, and he didn’t know whether it was of embarrassment to even have come to the conclusion or something else.

But three years were a considerable time. _A long time_ in which he had been able to wreck his prototype brain about what he had experienced in the simulation alongside the others. And his altered brain was merciless. It hadn’t forgotten a thing. It was like a camera, video-screening with hyperrealism. And although the time which had been the most crucial -- the one when Komaeda had hinted to the word love (or had he) -- was a hazy mess in Hinata’s mind, it was still there, and could be used in the greater picture.

Hinata had asked Komaeda once before, if he might feel something for him, and instead of dismissing it, Komaeda had closed the door on the situation, quite literally.

“You had left in the middle of the conversation.”

“Oh, that? Yes.” Komaeda said, suddenly matter-of-factly.

“Yes...? That’s it?”

“What do you want to hear, Hinata-kun?”

“How about you answering my question?”

“Rather than that, what do you hope to accomplish with asking me, hm? Is dear project hope so starved for love, that you would need mine?”

Hinata’s face reddened as blood flushed the thin veins under his skin, his heart thumping wildly. Komaeda’s words were pointedly infuriating, and frankly Hinata had never planned ahead as to what might come after the question of ‘do you love me’. Komaeda was more prepared to the situation than last time, and the difference was excruciating.

What was Hinata trying to accomplish?

At that moment, he was so riled up, Hinata could do nothing but bite his lip.

“Komaeda, you…!” he said, tightly clenching his fist. _Komaeda, you…_

‘Komaeda’ knew. He saw right through Hinata, like he always did. And there was a grin stretching his lips as he spoke up again. “You don’t know, do you?”

The tension in Hinata’s muscles receded: no, he didn’t.

“See, that’s what I don’t understand when it comes to you. You’re trying to establish our relationship. Why? So we can go out, and be a happy couple in this god-forsaken world? Because -- Hinata-kun -- that’s what you normally try to do when you ask someone if they love you. You’d want the affirmation so you can date, no? And you with someone like me? You’re vastly mistaken if you think we could ever be like that.”

Komaeda turned away from Hinata. He brought his attention to the screen activity in front and added a little quieter, yet firmly. “Being friends is fine by me…”

 

 

 

Hinata had had nothing more to say that day. Komaeda was right. How could Hinata expect an answer from him, when he scarcely knew what to do with it? Dating Komaeda had never crossed his mind. Not consciously. So why was he so insistent on making the other confess?

Hinata sensed. _Hinata felt_. It didn’t mean though he knew what it meant. Kamukura Izuru was a highly intellectual individual. But the right interpretation of what you felt wasn’t a given factor just because you were intelligent.

When Hinata didn’t know what to make of his feelings, he got affected by them anyway. Perhaps even more so because he didn’t know.

When Kamukura didn’t know what to make of his feelings, he threw them away: they were not needed in his abstract, straight-line world.

The current Hinata was a mixture of them both. It had always been Hinata Hajime. The fact that he changed his name didn’t change who he was and is. But the alteration of his brain had made him forget his past, drilled into him to forget being like himself and how to be human, creating instead a talented machine.

And now he was trying so hard to not block out his feelings and instead let them wash over him, however uncomfortable they may be. He wanted to reset to his default state, like a rehabilitation, working very diligently on being an ordinary, normal twenty-three year old guy.

When Hinata returned to his room that day after the shift had ended, he laid down in bed, caught by a swirl of emotions and thoughts. For the first time ever he began to think about what it’d be like to date Komaeda Nagito.


	2. Chapter 2

“You’re… you’re kidding right?”

Komaeda started to laugh, though it sounded more like a wheeze than anything with the desperate edge in it. It was as if his voice was slowly disappearing, swallowed down somewhere beneath his throat.

Hinata didn’t say a word. He bit his tongue as he watched Komaeda’s eyes look back at him with more white than green, while Komaeda’s whole body was shaken by his laughter. He laughed until no air was left, and he had to gasp for it.

“No,” Komaeda started. “This isn’t right. This isn’t _real_. You’re deluding yourself, Hinata-kun. You cannot be in love with me.”

Komaeda’s eyes were like a wall of glass, reflecting nothing in them. And somehow, Hinata had the feeling they were distant, unreachable. He had hit a barrier.

“E-excuse me?” Hinata said, and Komaeda sighed. “This is such a waste of time...”

Why was it that every time Hinata confessed, people would tell him what he’s feeling is wrong, not valid, or straight-out non-existent? Hinata hadn’t confessed that often in his life, admittingly. It came to a total count of two, maybe three, this one included. And each confession ended with rejection and spiking pain when the love he supposedly doesn’t feel slides down his stomach. It wasn’t as if Hinata judged the rejection itself; he didn’t think that highly of him, truly. He was just a normal guy out of many, so his feelings going unreturned was always a possible option, but this was ridiculous.

“Why would you say that?” Hinata pulled his headset down to his neck. He wanted to hear Komaeda clearly.

“Say what exactly?” Komaeda pivoted his chair to the right again so he could watch the screens instead of facing Hinata. That way it was impossible for Hinata to read Komaeda’s expression. Insecurity built up inside of him, jackhammering into his core in rapid speed and filling the gauge. If Hinata wasn't grasping his pants as tightly as he was, you'd see the shivers caused by the reverberation.

Hinata craved for a sign: a hint of it being mutual even after receiving such a response. He hoped Komaeda was lying, and putting up a farce. Monokuma’s words crossed his inner eye in black bold letters. ‘That trust you have in him to always be up to something, and lie: you, and Komaeda share an inseparable bond.’

“Have you forgotten what I did in the simulation, Hinata-kun? There are so many reasons why you shouldn’t associate yourself with me, and still you do. It’s admirable! But there should be a limit to things.”

Komaeda’s voice dripped in a low tone from his lips. Hinata had trouble looking even remotely as calm as Komaeda sounded.

“It… it doesn’t answer the question.” Hinata licked his lips. “Komaeda. I asked you if you’d like to date me. Not why it is a bad idea if we did.”

‘Why’ Komaeda had asked, when Hinata posed it in the beginning, both of them on their last shift of watching the surveillance cameras. ‘... Because I think I might love you,’ Hinata had said then, and oh, the word love rolled so strangely off his tongue.

The conclusion had come creepingly over the time span of four days. The foundation to it had been _ancient_. Why had it took Hinata so long to realize that he’d felt betrayed and hurt by everything Komaeda had once done, only because he _cared_? You wouldn’t be in pain if it didn’t matter to you. You wouldn’t think about it if it wasn’t your business. You wouldn’t spend three years reliving memories of the time with a guy, who might never wake up again, if you didn’t secretly miss him.

Komaeda told Hinata they shouldn’t be together because of all the shit he had pulled.

Hinata’s feelings started to make sense to him only because Komaeda had done what he had done: helping them… betraying them… pursuing a path no one could follow… huh, strange. What ‘shit’ had Komaeda pulled exactly?

Komaeda had thrown the dice in a direction he wanted, but it wasn’t like he had ever been in control of them. Komaeda had relied on his luck, and he was smart; he was capable of manipulation. But aside from killing himself and making Nanami the murderer he hadn’t pushed anyone to press the button, which ultimately killed her in return. Yes, aside from dropping the hint to whatever action he had wanted them to do, he hadn't forced a gun into their backs and gotten himself control over their decision.

“That’s gross.”

“Huh?”

Komaeda took a deep breath, stared intently on his keyboard for a while, until he finally turned around again and gifted Hinata a look that was utterly and truly disgusted. Hinata froze at the spot.

“You’re saying you love me? You cannot love me. Do you know how many times you have asked me now whether I feel something for you? You’re drawing the conclusion, because it would make sense to you, but it isn’t _right_.” Komaeda spat the last words in emphasis. The more he talked, the wilder his stare became, and a smile returned to curl his mouth.

“Did your mother never tell you it’s bad to play with a person’s feelings? You're so cruel, Hinata-kun. You’re confused to what you feel, and can’t help it but pull someone else into your misery. And it happens to be me! The freak show. Because I showed you something close to affection once. How laughable, you can’t - just - quit, can you?”

Komaeda chuckled loudly, and for some reason, Hinata had the feeling Komaeda wasn’t directing his speech to anyone in particular, but talking to himself in a hallucinating fit. His eyes were so incredibly glassy, Hinata thought Komaeda might’ve gone crazy, if his own heart didn’t clench in pain. His fingertips were icy cold. Hinata had turned into a statue.

“I thought better of you. I’m disappointed.” A sigh flowed out of Komaeda’s mouth and the energy he had before seemed to leave with it.

Hinata would refute, if Komaeda’s words didn’t sound that plausible. He was hurt. He was _so_ hurt. He curled his fingers around his wrist, twisting harshly, because that was the only way to blend out the emotional pain.

“... you’re an asshole,” Hinata mumbled, while wishing he could beat his fist into a wall.

 

 

  

His fingers curled around the cold steel of his pistol's handle, a 9mm glock nuzzling into his palm. It was still unexpectedly heavy in his hands, even though he had familiarized himself with the tool that might save his life for two days now. His fingertip felt its way across the side of the grip until it found the grooves to press itself into and eject the magazine. Hinata checked the ammunition bullet by bullet, before he inserted it back in.

“There you are!" It came from the side, though Hinata took no notice of it. After sighing out what seemed to be nerves, he turned the safety off.

“I was looking for you.”

Noise. Dulled out, it pressured against his ear protectors.

“I have some news… uh.”

His hands shook slightly as he made sure to keep his thumbs away from the hammer, and steadied his position. Otherwise, what was supposed to protect him could end up hurting him instead. He breathed in shakily as he started to aim.

“Komaeda-kun asked to be reassigned.”

Shoot.

Hit. Hit. Hit. The bullets pierced the paper target until the clip was empty and only a clicking sound was heard as Hinata pulled the trigger. At his side, the owner of the voice, Naegi Makoto pressed his lips together, while watching the supervisor walk forward and get Hinata's results, bullet holes in black ink. He looked worried.

Naegi was young, younger than Hinata in fact, and barely reached up to Hinata’s chin. Technically, he was Hinata’s junior, yet in the unfoldings the world had taken, he was now in charge of Hinata and Komaeda. Hinata gave it to him, Naegi was good in his job, and he didn’t mind being under his care. He trusted his judgement.

Peeling the ear protectors from his head, Hinata laid the gun on the table, and nodded. Part of him felt disgusted at himself. He must’ve really pushed Komaeda to make him seek out another partner.

“You don’t seem in good shape.” Naegi commented.

Hinata innerly asked himself how he must look at the moment to draw the conclusion, and apparently, Naegi was able to read it from his face, because he pointed to the returning supervisor, target paper held in front of him like a flag. “You didn’t hit a single vital spot.”

Hinata’s gaze flitted to the direction Naegi’s index was indicating, and sure enough, the most he did was scrape the drawn human’s waist. His lips parted and formed a silent “oh.” _Well,_ it wasn't like he had been trained very long how to shoot a gun...

“You’re sure you still want to join the outside excursion? We can assign you for next week, if that suits you better, considering…”

Naegi broke the sentence off, earning a blink of confusion from Hinata. But then he got it, and his brows furrowed. _Considering Komaeda will be there, too._

Ugh! The sound bursted like a bubble inside his head. How childish this was, so completely unnecessary. “I’ll be fine.” Hinata said.

“Really? I don’t think it’s going to be a problem as long as you stick with the team, but we never know what risk awaits you out there.”

“Yeah!” It loosened from Hinata’s tongue a little too enthusiastic, thus making him repeat it slightly more controlled. “Yes.”

Naegi smiled, yet not quite convinced. “Alright then,” he said and a sudden feeling of deja vu overcame Hinata. “I-it’s a little weird to have you two apart, especially after Komaeda-kun had asked to be your partner.” Naegi started to rub his temple, and Hinata noticed there were rings under his eyes. “It fit perfectly, because you seemed to get along so well. Truth be told, the others are a little wary, so it might take a while until the reassignment can take place…”

He laughed then, a drop of discomfort laced into it. “Aha! But don’t worry about it. We’ll find suitable partners for the two of you, just leave it to me.” Naegi briefly patted Hinata’s arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow at target. 8 AM.”

Hinata was wallowing in so much regret, he didn't notice the vital piece of information in what Naegi had said.

 

 

 

Outside the walls of the Future Foundation headquaters, there lie the remnants of a world to be rebuild. Hot, sizzling charcoal, and air that pushed you down into the cracks of the already blistered street. It was like the world had turned upside down, and hell had dissolved into the human's realm. If Hinata had ever to imagine hell, it'd be like the blood coloured sky right in front of him.

It was strange how newly chaotic it was outside, like a disaster freshly baked. There wasn’t supposed to be blood like forgotten stains on the pavement, which hadn’t dried out yet. There wasn’t supposed to be fire climbing whatever surface didn't reject its touch. There wasn’t supposed to be the sense of foreign breathing, hiding in the alleyways.

After all these years, why was despair still so alive?

Behind himself, Hinata heard Komaeda cough. The air didn’t seem to do him good at all, which didn't come off as a surprise: a mixture of the rotten stench of corpses, dust, and oil. Hinata craned his neck, while walking forward to see Komaeda muffle the sound behind his right hand. But then Komaeda noticed he was being looked at and swallowed it down as best as he could, albeit clearly struggling, his body wanting to get rid of the foreign, biting dust in its lungs. Komaeda then shook his head with a smile and briefly raised his chin towards Hinata's direction. “Shouldn’t you pay attention to the road?”

“I can take care of myself,” Hinata muttered displeased, yet quirked an eyebrow in which his worry showed face.

It wasn't worry for himself.

When he faced forward, he heard the quiet chortle behind him, followed by a murmur: “you’re asking to get yourself killed.”

 

 

 

What Hinata learned of Komaeda when it came to unexpected, yes even potentially lethal situations, was that Komaeda seemed to be absolutely unfazed and unsurprised by the turns life could take. It seemed that, if life gave you an elevator filled to the brim with sharp clawed black and white striped bears, thirsting after inking their metal in your red blood, Komaeda would sidestep out of the way, but other than that do absolutely nothing. He wouldn't defend. He wouldn't blink in panic. He'd just do the little he can, and then wait for a miracle to happen. That miracle being his teammates fighting for dear life by unholstering their guns, and taking precise shots as well as they were able to considering the fear trembling in their bones.

Hinata was crouching to increase his accuracy like he had been taught to, when he noticed Komaeda standing somewhere in the back, watching misery unfold like a bystander. It was so surreal. How could someone be so calm in a situation which was able to bring death upon you? Hinata himself was pumped full of adrenaline, booming fear, and the slight rush of power to hold a gun, which could be called 'professionally' yet him still being an amateur. He couldn't empathize.

"Where is your weapon?" Hinata shouted, frequently sideglancing back to the action further in front. A Monokuma fell down to its knees, blue sparks climbing the cables which were leaking out of a hole that had been shot into its head. Whatever response Komaeda had given, Hinata hadn't seen it.

And there didn't seem to be time either, because the team drew backwards, pulling the herd of enemies with it, after a men fell, bear on top, screaming in pain. The rush of power from before didn't feel so powerful after all anymore. Hinata's eyes were transfixed on razor claws painted red, slashing... slashing... slashing...

He dropped his gun. Unused.

There was something biting coming up his esophagus. He wanted to vomit, but then someone pulled him on his collar, and the acid bile got stuck in his throat. Hinata choked.

The next thing he knew was that he was running. Down the hallway. Then to the left. Pushed inside into the next open room.

 

 

 

There was the thudding noise of someone, _or something,_ banging against the door, telling the two survivors in the room they hadn't escaped, and they won't be able to do so either. There were no windows, and only one door. The floor was glossy white, although it looked a little dusty, and there were silvery tools, as well as one-time-use-only packed syringes stored in glass cabinets. Hinata guessed they had gotten themselves into some kind of lab.

Amidst the room, near the wall that was to the side of the door, Hinata's rescuer crossed his arms in a fashion he might as well be waiting in a queue, buying groceries. He touched his chin, while looking at the floor, and then said with a hum: "Ah, that's right..."

"What is?"

"My weapon. I didn't bring one."

"What are you..."

"I'm not about to endanger my dear teammates lives, waving something around I can hardly handle! Now that would be unfortunate." Komaeda said with a slight giggle, raising one hand to his side in a wild gesture. "You see, as opposed to others. I know where I'm at."

His eyes wore a certain judgement and Hinata could feel it bore into him. It drew seconds of silence from him, in which he was clearly uncomfortable. _He hadn't been very helpful out there._

"Komaeda, why are you so calm?" Hinata asked, and drew in return a questioning hum from the other man's lips.

"You know we might die here."

Komaeda folded his arms a little tighter around himself, and watched his hand's sinews visibly tense up by the force. "Indeed... so it would seem," he said then as if the thought had only just occured to him.

"I..." Hinata's hands went up to his tie to slightly tug on it. "I really don't understand you..."

"Ha," Komaeda snorted. The rethoric 'you think so' conveyed in a single puff of air exiting his nose, before he loudly bursted into a laugh. "Ha ha! _Yes!_ " 

He flicked a finger in Hinata's direction, his face brightened by delight. A delight, screaming fake in the way his eyes were narrowed in pain. "That's exactly it. You never understood a _thing_."

"... What do you mean?"

"Hinata-kun, how can you love someone when you don't even know them?"

"Wha-"

"It can't be right. _It can't be real_. But it doesn't matter, because the minute you said it you sealed your fate, and now you will die because of me." 

Hinata couldn't follow. This conversation had taken an unexpected turn in a speed that hardly left him time to process it. His expression was a mixture of confusion and frustration asking for answers he didn't get. _But then_ , there was something that struck him in what Komaeda had said.

"Wait... is this about me asking you to date me? Are you saying... you didn't want us to be together, because you still doubted my love?"

Komaeda kept silent.

He remembered. Hinata remembered how he hadn't refuted, hadn't fought more, hadn't insisted.

Komaeda had sounded so plausible when he struck the nail of rejection into Hinata's core. _He had sounded so plausible._ He always sounded so plausible right to the minute when he contradicted it all, and it turned out to be lies and trickery for whatever purpose he had seen fit. Now, it turned out he might've wanted Hinata to defend himself, and tell Komaeda wrong, yet in his cowardice as well as hurt feelings... in Hinata's lack of reassurance and facts to hold onto... he had just taken it as it was and given up.

Regret.

"Then let me prove it!"

"... Huh?"

Hinata swallowed and pressed his lips together before he said, "let me kiss you."

"That doesn't prove a thing."

"Komaeda..." Hinata closed his eyes, furrowing his brows in nervousness. No, he could hardly believe he was saying this all. Hell, he could hardly believe he was in love with Komaeda, still fighting the thought. But how do you explain the needle-like prickling pain when conflict made them go astray? How do you explain how comfortable, and safe Hinata sometimes felt in Komaeda's company? How do you explain this internal wish flaring up, asking for that very company to be had again? He continued. "Do I really look like a guy, who'd do something like that to prove nothing? If I didn't love you, why would I go as far as to want to prove it in the first place?"

More silence. Komaeda's eyes swiveled to the side, and you could see how the thoughts overtook his brain.

"You will die," he said.

"We'll die anyway," Hinata answered, and behind them the door shook loudly as if to remind them that time was fleeting. For once, an invisible 'whatever' decided to side with Hinata and emphasize his point. He was thankful for it, because the second the rattle took place, Komaeda's shoulders twitched up, and his eyes were widened by the inner conflict. 

One step taken forward, one stumbled backwards. Hinata might as well have been approaching an animal trapped in the corner and scared to death. It made him feel so insecure: was this really right? Wasn't he just pushing his feelings onto Komaeda? But then the wall was reached, and they stood chest to chest, heartbeat to heartbeat. Those thumps Komaeda's heart did, were jittery, but sturdy. The kind of sturdy that affected you as soon as you heard it, and making you feel uneasy by the sudden change of speed your heart undertook to match.

Hinata's ears were tinted red, and he felt it. He felt the heat. He wasn't confident at all, when he planted the first awkward kiss against Komaeda's mouth.

Komaeda's lips didn't respond at first, his whole body went as stiff as a board. If Hinata hadn't closed his eyes, he might've seen that the other's were wide open. But then slowly, he felt the pressure on his mouth getting returned. Komaeda's hand slid up to Hinata's neck, thumb stroking over his jaw. It was so very gentle, but this barely connecting touch linked only by the electricity of it, it triggered an uneasy feeling in Hinata's heart. And in his pants.

Shit. What was he, twelve? Not that age had anything to do with it, but this cannot be right. Hinata backpedaled out of their embrace, although _he_ had been the one who initiated it, and the second when his lips formed the first two syllables of Komaeda's name, an ear-crushing sound bursted at their side.

The door had been wrecked.

 


	3. Chapter 3

That day, Hinata heard a tale of having been betrayed. “By everything,” Komaeda had yelped in a high-pitched voice while hysterically giggling and Hinata couldn’t distinguish whether it was really a laugh or a cry. “By _you_ , by fate, and now even by my good for nothing luck!”

The team rushed in, their stares and stance all matching each other, being the look of confusion to see Komaeda so unstable.

All this time Hinata had thought outside the door was the enemy, begging to come in. Maybe it had been true at some point of Hinata's and Komaeda's entrapment, but it was a fact that the banging hadn’t been hostile at the end.

It had been their teammates, not Monokumas, asking for entry.

The reason of why and how, Hinata was sure to get to know later, but at that moment it didn’t matter to him. Not as much as it mattered to Komaeda anyway.

Normally, you'd be seized by relief after finding out death will come a little later to get you, wouldn't you?

It had been that way for Hinata at least.

He had fallen to the floor after a slight blow got him in the chest, uttering a sound of pain when the back of his head had hit the concrete. After a moment of disorientation, what seemed to have been way too long without getting stabbed or simply attacked for a situation where an ambush lied at your feet, his vision swayed to the now opened door. Time stopped when what he saw didn't match his expectation. Where were the Monokumas? He had then looked back at Komaeda to get himself assurance it wasn't only him imagining things, and Komaeda's gaze had fixed on his freshly entered allies for second after second until realization finally seemed to hit, later than it had done so with Hinata.

Komaeda bursted out laughing, but Hinata heard the frustration in it. He saw the way it didn't match the rest of Komaeda's body language. It was like laughing at life itself, because you didn't know what else there was to do. And then Komaeda started to accuse them of betrayal, though was it really directed at them? He accused Hinata. Tears formed near a whirlpool, that couldn't have possibly been there, in his eyes, while the sweat dripped down Komaeda's temple and shivers overtook his body. His fingers dug harshly into the side of his shoulders. He tightly wrapped his arms around himself and Hinata had the feeling Komaeda was trying to force the tremble, which had his limbs in its grip, back into the place where he had kept it all this time. 

This wasn't relief for him.

This was despair caused by treachery.

“I’m fine,” Komaeda said now, accompanied by an exhausted breath. He looked so incredibly tired, like a skeleton about to crumble to dust. Everything forced out of him in shouting and strangling and gritting his teeth, his energy was gone now, leaving him gaunt and wheezing, and he added with a scoff. “Hah! Right. Who am I to think I could rely on something? This should’ve been expected.”

Hinata listened, and saw, and witnessed a side of Komaeda that day, he most likely was never supposed to see.

Hinata got a glimpse of what he had always seeked for.

But only a glimpse.

Komaeda, in all his distress, would always remain in control of himself to some extent. A great extent even, considering.

Some part inside of Hinata, terribly small, realized he had never fully understood Komaeda only because Komaeda refused to show it to him. What Hinata had put so much effort into to find out, Komaeda must've put so much effort into to hide. And Hinata needed it. He _needed_ it all to _grasp_ it all. Their relationship reeked of internal sabotage, both sides charged guilty.

“Something great will await us,” Komaeda whispered. “Something big that will cause the greatest of despair. Oh, but it’s none of _your_ loss.” He flashed a smile that laid bare a strip of white teeth, Komaeda visibly getting calmer, and calmer the more time passed. The cracks were sealed, the mask back in place. And with those last cryptic words, Komaeda walked around the others to exit the room.

 

 

 

Naegi tipped his head to the side and started to rub the spot between his eyes. "This was my fault. I'm sorry, Hinata-kun."

"There's no one at fault for this. Only those stupid bears and the one who created them in the first place."

Naegi wearily smiled. "That's only halfway true," he said. "Enoshima-san might've been the cause of it all if you backtrack to who had set things in motion. But more people took part in it than her alone... even... well," Naegi avoided eye contact for minute. "Even you, Hinata-kun."

Hinata stared blankly, while the inner wound stung and bled. (But this was right. Naegi was right.)

"I-I mean. You're part to blame, but now you're taking responsiblity. And that's exactly it. I need to take responsibility, too, for throwing you guys out there without properly preparing you. That's all there is to it." He rubbed his jaw with his finger and laughed a little awkwardly. "A weekend of training isn't really much, aha..."

What Naegi said made sense. But it also nullified what Hinata had said to make him feel better, and he didn't know what else to do. He clenched his hands to fists at his side, while Naegi took a look at his watch. "Ah," he lightly gasped. "I have to talk to Komaeda-kun now."

Hinata perked up a fraction. "He's coming here, too?"

Naegi opened his mouth, yet the voice that filled the air wasn't his. "I see gossip's travelling fast?"

Hinata's gaze flitted to the side to find Komaeda leaning against the door frame - same as ever - smiling as ever - calm as ever - crossing his arms. It was like nothing had ever happened. He pushed himself off, and shook his hands in front, saying, "kidding, kidding. Your stare can pierce holes into walls, Hinata-kun."

Hinata didn't get the joke, if there had ever been one, so he kept on staring straight ahead. He didn't know his stare was so intense it could be called a glare and that Komaeda had been telling the truth. He stood up from his chair and made way for the other, leaving the office without a word while Naegi's "I'll see you later" followed after his back.

 

 

 

When Komaeda left the office, hands safely stowed away in his coat's pockets, he didn't even seem to be surprised to find Hinata waiting for him.

"You know, Hinata-kun. This past week you've really become like some kind of stalker." Komaeda hummed in thought, while he tilted his head. "Or maybe a misguided fan? Haha, I'm flattered, but it's really troubling me in a way..." He scratched his head as if he was uncomfortable to give the subsequent rejection. 'As if he hadn't done it for real before' Hinata thought.

"Shut up. Don't pretend this never happened," Hinata said, and this time Komaeda seemed to give him the favour, pressing his lips together with that cold smile chiselled into his never-ceasing hard-stone expression.

"You wanted proof? I gave you proof. Why do you keep running?"

"It sounds so cold the way you put it."

"Just answer the question! What is there that says we can't be together. _What?_ "

Komaeda went silent again, and for a moment the words 'it's me' laid soddened on Hinata's tongue, as if he expected them to be said any moment. But they didn't come.

This was one piece of dialogue. Every option into the way of refusal had been worn out, because, _yes_ , Hinata had been like some kind of stalker. Stubbornly trying, and trying, and trying, and trying, and trying so obsessively that in the end there was nothing else to say but the truth. And Hinata had gotten so near, had gotten so close he tasted it on the tip of his tongue without Komaeda saying it. At least he felt like he did.

"Hinata-kun... if I said that as soon as we started dating, your chance to die a horrible, and suffering death the next morning, the next week, the next month, the next year will increase by 80%, what would you do? Would it still be worth it?"

Hinata wanted to say 'I wouldn't believe you', denying the possibility on the spot as nonsensical as it sounded. But there was something in Komaeda's eyes that kept him from it. 

"I... I don't know," he said instead.

Komaeda chuckled. "How typical of you to be so honest."

"What's it got to do with it?"

There was a pause, and Hinata knew it: this was truth. This had to be truth. A sense of accomplishment nestled into Hinata's belly, and so did a sense of fear. "Because that's going to happen," Komaeda said.

How could that be.

Hinata, as the skeptical down-to-earth man he was, didn't want to believe in something that told of invisible forces and deities. And yet he couldn't dismiss what Komaeda spoke of either, for he had seen that very luck work before. He had seen it kill Nanami. He had experienced the pain, the real pain, when falling down to his knees, acid tears making him blind. What he had seen had been reality, and so the conclusion only led to it being unfeigned. But that also meant something else.

"You said it was a lie."

"Huh?"

"You said all these things - the plane crash, _your life stories_  - they had all been a lie to see if you can get pity from me."

Komaeda's smile was unwavering, the answer to everything, and suddenly something in Hinata snapped. He heard a dry, humourless laughter cut the air. A laughter that wept in its tone of all the hardships it had gone through. It was so horribly grating in Hinata's ears, yet Komaeda's lips weren't the ones who moved. Hinata realized, it came from himself.

"It's not worth it," Komaeda said in such a low, and serious voice Hinata had hardly heard him speak in before.

What was he supposed to do?

 _What_ _exactly_ was he supposed to say?

What was he supposed to think?

This wasn't like the movies. This wasn't straight out of a book. And Hinata certainly wasn't this perfect human being, who knew the answer to everything, even with his money heavy brain.

All he wanted in his life had been to be someone, who wasn't so insignificant that you'd forget him as soon as his frame left the spotlight: he had wanted to be someone, who'd strike a memory in another's heart. The best way to do it, Hinata internalized while growing up as a child, was to be successful. Students of Hope's Peak Academy were remembered above all; everyone knew them. Everyone. He could say that with utter and true conviction.

The thought of Komaeda loving him, no... _someone_ loving him...-- to have importance to a person (and better: someone who's company he seeked out) -- Hinata couldn't describe in words what feelings it brought up in him. And then the ticking had begun. An itching, nagging sound in Hinata's ear and head until he'd move forward to ask for assurance, crazed to know whether it was true. The rest, he thought, he'd figure out later.

And he had figured out a lot since then.

Hinata just wanted to have this.

The outside factors of luck, and death, and whatever else, it passed through one ear out the other, and left him blank as well as empty. He didn't know what was right or wrong, or what was best and worst. He only knew what he desired.

"So, this is it? So, _once again_ , the decision is taken from me?"

Komaeda stared at Hinata in a way, which betrayed absolutely nothing to what he was thinking nor feeling. But Hinata knew Komaeda's silence was nudging him to elabourate.

"I don't want to die! But I... I sure as hell won't let something as pure chance decide for me. Komaeda, this isn't graved in stone, and I know I might die, but I knew that before, too. Nowadays even more so."

Hinata inhaled while averting his gaze, before he spoke further. "If you don't feel anything for me, that's fine." His stare wandered upwards again in hope to find a reaction waiting for him, and Hinata was queasy to see Komaeda watching him the same unmoving way as before. "B-but if you do, then _decide for you own_ whether you want to be with me or not."

The cards have been played.

Now it was only left to Komaeda to break free from his statue like stance, and to _react_. To Hinata's discomfort although, Komaeda took his sweet, sweet time until so much of a flicker crossed his features, and he exhaled so deeply as if he had been holding his breath all this time.

"You're one of those people, aren't you, Hinata-kun? Reaching for stars so high and always looking up while you climb the stairs that you don't even see how great of a fall awaits you, should you trip. But for me, it's different. I've always been standing on the highest mountain, sides so steep, watching you do that from my plateau above."

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"It's from a movie."

"What?"

"Anyway..." Komaeda had had a smile stapled on his mouth up until now, which faded away, only a faint hint of it still remaining at the edges.

"Hah..." he sighed out. "Sometimes, Hinata-kun, _just sometimes_ , you'll need to make use of your intuition, instead of waiting for someone to say it out loud for you." Komaeda's lips stretched to reveal a bright grin, hand lifted up at his side. "Just a tip! Because I've seen how often you did it in the simulation. That's no good, you know."

There was another question silently mouthed by Hinata as he stared, trying to make sense of what had just been said. He replayed it in his head, audio tapes whirling backwards. Stop. _Repeat._ Does that mean...?

He wiggled his fingers at his side, while his heart's beats drowned out any outside sound, and then he stepped forward, and took another step, and took another step, and took yet _another_ step, arriving in front of Komaeda smiling at him in that same bright grin as before. Hinata pressed his lips together, and he hated it, he hated this feeling of insecurity, not knowing things for certain. Intuition wasn't his forte. But Komaeda didn't say anything, and he didn't retreat, didn't retract from Hinata's hands gently being placed on his arms' sides.

Hinata tipped forward and kissed him.

After last time, it wasn't _quite_ as awkward, yet still _somewhat_ awkward.

Hinata felt Komaeda's mouth corners move against his lips, like he was stifling a laugh, but he also had the feeling that wasn't the case. And when he broke free to ascertain what was going on, Komaeda immediately bit on his lower lip. From this distance, Hinata could see a tremble going through Komaeda's body, _feel_ it under his palms.

Komaeda clicked his tongue in annoyance, replacing his expression of displeasure with a smiling face that wasn't as convincing, and peeled Hinata's hands from him.

And that's how he left him.

Walking away just as silently as that, as cryptic as that, as unsatisfying as that, leaving Hinata for now with nothing but the memories to pull his interpretations from, although Hinata knew that during their next encounter nothing new would be added, because that's what Komaeda had said, giving him a key to understanding.

Hinata, twenty-three years of age, slendered down the hallway. He was confident there laid a bright future ahead of him, and that he was the one to decide over it. And even if he failed on the road, he wouldn't give up as long as he could view the tiny scratches of change, marking the path he walked on.

Slowly, they were stopping to run.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is by far one of the longest fanfics I've written ever since I started writing, so it's completely new to me, and it will probably be very apparent. But I still hope I got the flow right that people can follow it. Umm, it was actually supposed to be published in one great thing, but then I took so long (also a lot of editing), and I really just wanted to get some out and gone of my sight so I could take my time with what's the third and last chapter now. I think you can probably guess what it's going to be. Maybe. Perhaps.
> 
> This is dedicated to my friend Marie. I hope with this you'll finally have something that isn't maid Komaeda and sassy pants Hinata. We can only hope..........
> 
> link to tumblr post: http://aspiringhands.tumblr.com/post/104369893086/escapism


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